"Humbling Myself Before Christ"

Matthew 4:17 "From that time on Jesus began to preach, 'Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.' "

Repentance is the way in which we are supposed to enter into the season of lent. This could not be a more perfect topic for me today, in that I have spent half of my day griping about the misfortunes of having a practically nonexistent group member in Spanish. Although this is a fairly upsetting situation, I have given so much of my time and thought to it that it almost completely took me away from what today is truly about: repentance. Repentance for my sins which caused the brutal crucifixion of God's only son, and for the innumberable ways that I fall short of His glory everyday! Dr. Denison describes today as being a day where we are called "to mourn for our sins, remembering that they caused the death of Jesus." Today, I crucified Jesus a million times with my thoughts and words against my neighbor, instead of humbling myself before Christ and giving Him the attention He derserves. Luckily, its never too late!!

The reflection for today ended with the question of whether or not I needed to begin Lent with repentance? Having already answered that question, I want to look deeper into the why that surrounds this situation. This situation seemed to be such a complex and complicated one, but my failure to deal with it correctly and save myself a lot of stress comes from one simple word: Trust. After getting a pretty attitudey email from my nonexistent Spanish partner last night, I called myself "giving the situation to God." Even though I immediatey felt a sigh of relief and thought I had forgotten about it, this morning, when I opened up the outline we were supposed to turn in for the first part of our Spanish project, I became much angrier than I ever was before! I took everything back that I had given to God last night and steamed for the next 4 hours. After class was over, I went up to my teacher and he explained that it would be just fine and that my nonexistent partner's lack of participation would not in any way effect my grade. I almost passed out. Granted, I would still love to have a partner who is present and easy to work with so that I could actually enjoy doing the presentation, but just hearing the words, "he will not effect your grade," made me feel like a complete idiot. Not only is that true for this class, and our presentation, it is true about life! His actions should not effect mine. No one should have control over my attitude except God. How many times has Christ shown me mercy when I forget this??

I went home a little while later and got myself together, and when I was back on campus, I stepped outside and began walking toward Martindale. As usual, I started daydreaming and looked up at the sky. The sky was full of clouds and reminded me of how it looked during the crucifixion of Christ as it was shown in The Passion. Having just read the above verse: Matthew 4:17, it made me even more aware of my misplaced trust, leading me to ask myself the question of just how much I truly trust Him. I trust in God until someone makes me angry or irritates me, then it is up to me to figure out how to deal with them accordingly, but this isn't the kind of relationship He calls us to.

Read: Psalm 27

My inability to trust in God comes also from a lack of patience. I hate waiting for things, its amazing that I love theme parks as much as I do considering the hour-long lines you usually have to wait in before you can get on a 20 second ride. Its the pay off that I contend with waiting on, if there seems to be no pay off in the end then count me out. I like instant gratification. Sometimes instant gratification is a good thing, but, as David puts it, we are to "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." (Psalm 27:14) Being able to wait on the Lord shapes the ultimate faith, because you have to have faith to be content with waiting. When I choose to wait on the Superman ride at Six Flags for an hour, its not to have a conversation with the other people in line, or even to listen to others scream as they simulate Superman's ultimate super power: flying. No, I wait because I have faith, and I know that without a doubt, when I get to the front of the line I will be the one screaming at the top of my lungs from an overload of fun!! How much more then, should I put my trust and faith in the Father? Theme park rides have let anxious riders down millions of times (luckily, I have never been one of these unlucky riders), but God has never let anyone down. Nothing that He tells us will come true doesn't do just that. NOTHING. Due to His grace, I am able to start this day over and begin my season of Lent with repentance and by humbling myself to Christ, what better way to do that than on my knees, giving everything back to Him that I unrightfully stole this morning. I'd say my first day of eating meat is turning out to be pretty dang revealing..... and its only the first day. NICE. :)

Hope everyone is having a great day!