"Empty and Cracked Cisterns"

MORNING PRAYER-- Blessed are you, Sovereign God of all, to you be praise and glory forever. Open our eyes to behold your presence and strengthen our hands to do your will, that the world may rejoice and give you praise. Amen.

Psalm 61, Jeremiah 2:1-13, Romans 1:16-25, John 4:43-54

The You above is to a song by the band called Red entitled "Forever." I included this song in this post because of many reasons, the first being the fact that it is just too good not to tell someone about it, and the second being that it is the picture of my exact life. You know when you find that song that is your life, and every word in it is so true that you almost feel like that artist or band was made by God, and that God let you hear it at just the exact moment you needed it! Well, this is that song for me. My awesome friend Maegan played it for me one day on the way home from bible study. Here are the lyrics:

I try to run, I try to hide
From a voice that couldn't satisfy
That was me, always needing more
But letting go of all I had before
Cause it feels like the end
A wound that I can't mend
I just can't fight any longer

You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The game was over
I didn't even want to be found

But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever

I ignored the signs, opened every door
But I couldn't find what I searched for
I try to fight but I turn and run
Every move I make is the wrong one
You patiently wait for my next mistake
I know it won't be much longer

You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The game was over
I didn't even want to be found

But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever

You gave me so much more
Than I could ever ask for
But I turned and followed
A road the left me hollow
And still you waited for me
To come back home
You brought me home...

You chased me down and broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/red/forever.html ]

Since the beginning of Lent I have wanted the same passage to be in both my Ashes To Fire book as well as my Daily Devo book! Today it finally happened!!! The passage is Roman's 1:16-25. In this passage, God's wrath and the reasons behind His wrath against mankind are brought to light. In a nutshell, even though the Israelites(just one example) had been shown time and time again, the glory of God and the power of His Word, they continued to worship lesser gods, even after they were delivered into the land which He had promised to Abraham. The New Testament is full of these same kinds of examples. The famous parables take place here, yet instead of giving the glory back to God, the people plotted to kill Him. This made me wonder how many times something so obviously belonging or being of God has gone right by me while I'm busy worshipping my own personal gods (#1 being tv). 


I can say that whenever I have ignored something clearly straight from Him He as let me known about it later. The Spirit is in each and everyone of us. But, it doesn't do all the work, it requires total surrender in order for it to reach its full potential within us. When my Spirit is not fed, I feel it. Everything, Everything, feels off. I felt just like the empty cistern in Jeremiah 2:13. Filling myself up with anything other than God, totally neglecting the Spirit inside me. After awhile, I started to feel so empty that I could not be alone. I couldn't stand the sound of my own thoughts. I had SO many holes in my cisterns and there was no way they could be filled by my idols at the time. I honestly don't think I was not under the influence of some drug for more than an hour or two all last summer. Everything about me had changed. I was lying to my family, my friends, and more importantly, myself. I felt horrible walking into church and never wanted to be there anymore, and I hated the idea of a Daily Devotional. At one point, I thought I was closer to God when I was high. "Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools." Romans 1:22 As I drove myself deeper into the drugs, my "thinking became futile and [my] foolish heart(s) [was] darkened," Romans 1:21. Toward the end of summer I took a trip with one of my friends to her hometown, and being sober there pretty much slapped me in the face. After a horrible and sleepless first night, the next day at a water park I told her that I no longer wanted drugs to be a part of my life. Surprisingly enough, she said she felt the same way, but I soon found things not to be so easy when we got back. Long story short, I immediately sought freedom from the drugs. My friend and I don't hang out now, that's not to say anything bad about her, because I miss her. She and I were best friends, and even though we chose different paths as far as I am concerned once a best friend, always a best friend. I do know that she is on the search for the same God that I am, and I pray that she is finding more than she ever imagined in Him.


It still amazes me the grace He showed me in allowing me the time to come to the decision I made. The idea of losing all the friends I had made that summer scared me to death, but the way I felt and the things I had experienced without God terrified me much more. He promised me it would be worth it, and boy is that an understatement. Now, the potter is shaping and forming a new cistern within me. And when He is done, I know it will be the most perfect one because the holes will be filled up with Him.


EVENING PRAYER-- O Lord, "the sacrifice acceptable [to you] is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise . . . Create in me a clean hear, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me." Amen.