"An Aha! Moment"

MORNING PRAYER-- Eternal and loving Father, whose blessed Son Jesus Christ came down from heaven to be the true bread which gives life to the world, feed me on this bread that he may live in me and I in him. Amen.

Psalm 101, Jeremiah 18:1-11, Romans 8:1-11, John 6:27-40

I read the passage about the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26) for the first time a couple weeks ago, and I came to the part where it said, "But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law" (v. 18) I am pretty embarrassed to say that my first response to this was to get offended and all up in arms about the fact that I thought no one was ever exempt from the law! I asked myself this question and continued, still offended.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlesness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law." (vv. 22-23)

Insert Aha! Moment here. Why was I so quick to be offended by this?? Probably because I sometimes completely fail to display this type of spirit. That day had been a day full of angry outbursts brought on by my refusal to be patient with anyone around me. I was wanting and needing (so I thought) for every single person to drop everything they had planned and be on my time! I get this way very often, and didn't appreciate being called out at that time. This feeling couldn't be further from what the Scripture was actually trying to tell me. It's not saying that just anyone is exempt from the law but those who have, through "Christ Jesus, crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires" (v. 24). If you are dead to the sinful nature, then these fruits of the Spirit of yours, thus there is no need for the law to apply. You are the living law. The passage in Romans 8 reminded me of this today, and it provided even more clarity...

   "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
    Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
    You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Apirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Apirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." (Romans 8:1-11)

....Now I get it.


On to the story of the Potter, because this is definitely one of my new favorites! God is the ultimate Potter. I used to be in a ceramics class, and the whole reason I signed up for it was of course, because I thought it would be an extremely easy A, especially since I was taking it in high school! Quite the contrary. The first time I used the pottery wheel, as you can probably guess, wet, muddy clay went everywhere and I was so upset. But, my teacher told me to calm down and to "guide the clay." So, I tried again, and the second time, to my surprise, I had quickly formed what looked like it would be a very nice vase. I already had plans for what it would look like painted, and what kind of flower my mother would adorn it with when I gave it to her. All of a sudden, just as quickly as it had sprung up, becoming easier to shape and define, it collapsed in my hands. I completely gave up, and didn't return to that wheel until the end of the semester. How similar am I to my once perfect vase! Yet, God NEVER gives up. He doesn't leave me sitting there all mishapen and muddy. He continues at every moment, to shape and care for me, even when I crumble, no, especially, when I crumble.

"But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands, so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." (Jeremiah 18:4)


Marred- to detract from the perfection or wholeness of (Merriam-Webster Dict.)


EVENING PRAYER-- Lord, make an instrument of Thy peace; wehre there is hatred, let me sow love . . . O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood, as to understand, to be loved, as to love. AMEN!

  

"Be Encouraged"

MORNING PRAYER-- Eternal and Loving Father, whose blessed Son Jesus Christ came down from heaven to be the true bread which gives life to the world, feed me on this bread that he may live in me and I in him. Amen. 

Psalm 97, Jeremiah 17:19-27, Romans 7:13-25, John 6:16-27

Psalm 97 is full of awesome contrasts between who the LORD really is and how I imagine Him sometimes. 

"Clouds and thick darkness surround

                   him;

       righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne."(v.2)

This in no way means that darkness takes over Him, as justified in the very next verse:

"Fire goes before him

      and consumes his foes on every side." (v.3)

Sometimes I like to think of God as this being who only reigns in light and shiny things, which is true, but how much more did He come to shine His light within the dark places! He does not stray away from the dark places that we are in. 

"I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness." (John 12:46)

The LORD is great at all times and in every nook and cranny of life! So, even though He is surrounded by clouds and thick darkness, fire is always before Him, consuming any and every evil which tries to come up against Him. Here is another verse out of this Psalm that blew my mind:

"The mountains melt like wax before 

                    the LORD,

       before the Lord of all the earth." (Psalm 97:5)

"The mountains melt like wax....." 

Throughout the week, in dealing with the stress of school, and anything else that I may have going on, I very easily become self-dependent. I take everything upon myself, and try to rely on myself to get things accomplished, only to fall short. Then, feeling like a failure, I am forced to have to sit down and figure out what the heck went wrong with my week. Can you guess that I always come to the same conclusion??? I humanize our LORD too much sometimes. Not that humanizing Him is always a bad thing, but only if I never forget just how powerful He is. It seems dumb that I could actually forget, but its not so much forgetfulness as it is doubt. When something overwhelms me, I usually go within my own self and shut down. I don't seek God, I hide, until I can no longer take the loneliness and He rescues me, as usual. This is doubting His power. I get stuck in the rut of thinking He is too busy to deal with me and my small over-dramatic meltdowns which I frequently have. The good thing is that His power never changes, no matter how small the situation. He always cares and has THE funniest and sweetest most intimate ways of showing that to me.

I'm really skipping around today, but these scriptures are too awesome and perfect right now. So, on to Romans 7:13-25. This passage really opened my eyes to what sin truly is, and how in knowing this fact, we are not pardoned, but strengthened with every tool in which to live a life free of this kind of servitude:

"Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that throught the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have te desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-- through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."  (Romans 7:13-25)

This, to me, seems like the realization of someone who had died to Christ. In realizing his death (surrender) to Christ, he has been given this wisdom in understanding the true nature of sin, and how his life had been given over to it, a slave. But, "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ out Lord!" (v. 25) This section is pretty important to me. In our Ashes To Fire devotional for Sunday it said, "Jesus doesn't settle for the easy way-- this life is so much deeper than that. God doesn't look at our brokenness and sin as a problem but as an opportunity to demonstrate himself to the world. What then, should we continue to sin so that God may be magnified even more-- of course not! Should we take confidence in a God who can take all of our brokenness and turn it into beauty? Yes!"

The Gospel for Sunday was about John 9:1-41, "Blind, but Now I see!" I had never really thought about the words to Amazing Grace until Pastor Chet talked about it Sunday. First, we talked about the healing of the blind man by Jesus. He asked the question: "Why would Jesus put dirt in someone's eyes, and why would someone allow Him to do so?" I have never looked at this story at all in this way! I am going to paraphrase what Pastor Chet told us Sunday, but keep in mind that I could never put it as eloquently as he did. He said that Jesus' use of mud is a very intimate and deep sign of connection for us as humans. As we know, Adam, our father, was made from the earth, translated in Hebrew as Ademah (sp?). Through bringing this back, using it as a healing tool for a blind man, Jesus showed everyone, and is still showing us that He is with us. HE has not forgotten how He formed us, and how much He had to love us to be able to form our intricately woven body from something such as Ademah! Now, being given vision by the ONE who created him, the blind man, as well as we, "Can worship the One whom we formerly couldn't recognize" (Chet Bush). After this powerful message, I couldn't think of anything else that could have been said about this situation, but that's not how God calls us to live is it? He doesn't just bless us and then expect us to keep it to ourselves and sit alone and never tell anyone about it. No, He gives us these opportunities in order that we may spread what we have experienced in and through Him, which our Pastor said is known as the "Optimism of Grace". So that others, when given the true facts about the awesomeness of God, cannot deny Him no longer. Woah! Super powerful.

I am encouraged.


EVENING PRAYER-- Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love . . . Where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Amen.

"There is no bloom without Him"

MORNING PRAYER--
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your Name,
your kingdom come, your will be donw, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial, and deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for
ever. Amen.

Psalm 42, Jeremiah 10:11-24, Romans 5:12-21, John 8:21-32

Even with the amount of tiredness I have been experiencing this week, the thing that has been on my mind constantly, a little bit more than 100% of the time is the amount of grace God's love has continously given me. Even when my day is going horribly and before I get out of the bed in the morning I'm thinking of a million reasons why I shouldn't go to class, I start to think about how good it is to even be able to be in my right mind, despite my sins. How good it is to wake up period. How good it is to have the comfy bed that I have. How good it is to see another day that I could never dream to deserve. How good it is to have the option of going to school, or to work, at all. Despite my sins, God allows me to enjoy more than the simple commodities of life. That is crazy to me.

"The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin icreased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:20-21

The very next chapter in Romans tells us that just because we are given grace doesn't mean we should continue to sin. How many times  have I acted sinfully because of this fact! I have said to myself a million times, 'God will forgive me as long as I tell Him what I did later.' or, 'as long as I confess my sins to Him, I will be forgiven.' This is exactly what He tells us not to do. I am knowingly sinning against Him. It doesn't matter what I plan to do later. What if later never comes, then what? Being taught to live life in the moment, while still leading a responsible life is a lesson I'm sure I will be learning for the rest of it, but it's well beyond worth it. There are so many more things to enjoy in life and so much more time to enjoy it when you are sober, even moreso when you are living in/through Christ.

Last night in bible study we talked about a relationship with Christ. God does not only want us to serve, love and obey Him, He invites us and desires that we have relationship with Him. So, just as He disciplines as a Father, so too does He love as a Father:

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knowck. If anyone hears my coice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."  Revelation 3:19-20

What in the world does Christ have to gain from being in a relationship with me?? Not one thing, but it isn't about what He has to gain, because there is nothing I have that He needs, but He does this all for the good of His children, for me. He puts His neck on the chopping block and gives me the axe every single day..... and even though He has to regenerate every couple hours, He never ceases. What a God we serve.

EVENING PRAYER-- My Lord and my God, you see my heart; and my desires are not hidden from you. I am encouraged and strengthened by your goodness to me today. I want to be yours and yours alone. O my God, my Savior, my Sanctifier, hear me, help me, and show mercy to me for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen.

"I Will Lift Mine Eyes"

MORNING PRAYER-
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your Name,
your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial, and deliver us from evil,
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for
ever. Amen.

Psalm 78, Jeremiah 7:21-34, Romans 4:13-25, John 7:37-52

"They forgot what he had done,
       the wonders he had shown them.
  He did miracles in the sight of their
                    fathers.
        in the land of Egypt, in the region of
                    Zoan.
  He divided the sea and led them
                    through;
        he made the water stand firm like a
                    wall.
  He guided them with the cloud by day
        and with light from the fire all night.
  He split the rocks in the desert
        and gave them water as abundant
                    as the seas;
  he crought streams out of a rocky crag
        and made water flow down like
                     rivers."
              Psalm 78:11-16

I have found myself thinking so much lately about how dumb I thought the Israelites were for not believing despite all of the miracles God continued to show them, and despite all of them people He even appeared to and talked to directly among them at that time. I have constantly been chuckling to myself as I read about their inability to follow and keep the law that had been so graciously and bluntly presented to them time after time, thinking to myself that I would have been the one to follow, despite what everyone else did..... WHAT??! No, I wouldn't have. He shows me the exact things today, and do I follow Him even half the time?? Absoltely  not. My pride, thus the devil, tells me these things in order to stunt my growth in Christ. I have seen the devil hard at work moreso lately than ever before. It shows me that I'm growing, but I have allowed it to pull me from putting everything I have in God's hands. All kinds of things have been working against me in every area of my life, causing me to doubt. How much different am I from the Israelites?! Not at all. In temptation, I am not blameless like Him (of course, I never could be) but I don't even try. I am quick to forget His words, and want to hide in my humanly world of self doubt, loathing, and sloth. Even though I am so human, He doesn't scold me or throw me to the side when I know that I frustrate the living daylights out of Him:

"Yet he was merciful;
      he forgave their iniquities
      and did not destroy them.
  Time after time he restrained his anger
      and did not stir up his full wrath.
  He remembered that they were but
                    flesh,
      a passing breeze that does not return."
                 Psalm 78:38-39

Even though we receive this kind of mercy and grace, that doesn't give us license to continue to sin. It only gives us license to realize this and to strive with everything we have and everything we don't have to give our all to be able to enoy the inheritance to which we are promised in His name.

"What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey-- whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."  Romans 8:15-18

Lovely.

EVENING PRAYER-- O Lamb of God, in this eveing sacrifice of praise and prayer, I offer you a contrite heart. Give me grace, thoughout my whole life, in every thought, and word, and work to imitate your meekness and humility, through Christ, my Lord, I pray. Amen.

                            

"Spiritual Fervor"

MORNING PRAYER--
Our Father in heaven, hallowed  be your Name,
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven,
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those whose against us,
Save us from the time of trial, and deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for
ever. Amen.

Psalm 80, Jeremiah 7:1-15, Romans 4:1-12, John 7:14-36

I haven't blogged since Thursday. Ridiculous. There really is no sickness or amount of busy-ness that should take my attention from God, therefore I have no real excuse. But, God still speaks to me, even when I don't give Him the time of day that He deserves. I have been reading though, and everyday since Thursday I keep reading scripture that all point to God's amazing love though not one deserves even the smallest amount of anything He has to offer. These things don't just come for free or as a result of us living our lives the way we may choose to live them, but by obedience and rebirth in Him. When Jesus tells Nicodemus this, (I can imagine myself having the same reaction as Nicodemus), Nicodemus doesn't understand what He means by this. Jesus goes further to explain that, "Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' " John 3:6-7 Nicodemus, one of Israel's teachers, did not understand this. I don't think I had a full understanding of this until last Sunday actually. Pastor Chet compared our first, human birth with our second birth, that is, our spiritual birth in Christ. Here are some comparisons I wrote down in my notes:

        First Birth                                                        Second Birth
      earthly parents                                                    Heavenly Father
        leads to death                                                         Leads to life
          temporary                                                             Everlasting
   happened by necessity                                         Happened by choice

Of course I had heard of a "rebirth" in Christ, but not in these terms. I had never outweighed one with the other. There are many other comparisons that could be listed there, those are just the ones I was able to write down, but how much more the second birth already outweighs the first one! I can't believe I have never considered this.

Another thing that seems to be trending among different friends as well as myself, is that stage of depression, guilt, and self doubt in our right to either speak anything that we think God has/is showing us, or simply to even begin to be in His presence trying to serve Him. Last night at chapter, one of our officers, Ali, said something I had never thought of before- 'guilt is not from God.' It is so easy for me to get in this funk where I can't count how many ways I am undeserving of God's glory, and I am so down and out because I am allowing all of my past mistakes to turn me away from God. So, even though I am not participating in those things anymore, they are still taking dominion over my life, and leading me away from God, because I am focusing on the guilt and shame that I feel from all of those things. True, I am not deserving and never will be, but God did not call me to dwell in the hurtful and stupid things that I have done. He doesn't call any of us to do that. One of my friends showed me these scriptures today that are perfect for this:

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

He calls us to come to Him with the attitude of confidence.  I had not once heard this. I am so used to coming to Him downtrodden and in anguish from the sins I've committed, even if they are far behind me, but that's not the way He wants to see me. How much more is His love for us displayed in this fact, that even though I deserve to come to Him with my head bowed low and never being able to look in His eyes because of my sins, He calls me to come to Him with confidence in knowing that He loves me and will help me and provide every single thing that I need in this life and beyond to get through whatever comes my way.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13


Something I have been praying for is humility. John the Baptist had disciples, but he never let one praise come to him, or one question as to whether he was the Christ come to Him, without giving Everything back to God. Not one time: "The people were waiting expectantly and were all wondering in their hearts if John might possibly be the Christ. John answered them all, 'I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand to clear his threshing floor and to gather the wheat into his barn, but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.' And with many other words John exhorted the people and preached the good news to them." Luke 3:15-18 What humility this must take. This is ultimate humility, its humility that realizes there is something so much greater than I that none of this is coming from me, it is coming from the One who sent me, the reason for my being, my life, my everything. No fame could take this away from John, and he had more fame than any celebrity today. Man, I want this kind of humility. In this kind of humility, guilt is dispelled. It is a stronger kind of humility in that even though you are aware of where your help comes from and to whom all praise, glory and honor goes to, and that you are beyond unworthy in your human nature, you are not bound by guilt and shame. Ultimate humility, the kind that gives us the ability to approach the throne with the confidence He has called us to. He wants more than that for us. He has always wanted more than that for us.

When I am going through an intense period of temptation, which seems to be more and more prevalent lately, I used to think that God was not present, and that He didn't understand what I was going through and why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Psalm 139 completely destroys any evidence that this could ever be true:

"O LORD, you have searched me
        and you know me.
  You know when I sit and when I rise;
        you perceive my thoughts from afar.
  You discern my going out and my lying
                   down;
        you are familiar with all my ways.

 Before a word is on my tongue
        you know it completely, O LORD.
  You hem me in--behind and before;
        you have laid  your hand upon me.
  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
        too lofty for me to attain.

  Where can I go from your Spirit? 
        Where can I flee from your
                     presence?
  If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
        if I make my bed in the depths, you
                     are there."
               Psalm 139:1-8

It's not just those verses, this entire Psalm is amazing. The famous verse about being "fearfully and wonderfully made" (v. 14) is one of the most quoted verses of our time. But, whenever I wonder where the Lord is in such a time of trouble and loneliness, this verse alone, quickly shifts my focus back to how things really are. This is the Truth. The best kind of truth there is, that is, about the Savior.

My challenge for myself this week is to always, no matter what the cost, display the fruits of the Spirit. I am not good at this, especially where it is concerning patience. But, if I am going to proclaim to be a child of God, then I need what is manifesting on the inside of me to be expressed outwardly. At church this weekend, we had a spiritual deepening weekend, and hosted Reverend Charles Johnson. It was amazing. Yesterday he talked about the three different kinds of Christians. The first, babes of Christ, the second, lukewarm Christians (Revelation 3:16), and the third, carnal christians. The first kind, the babes of Christ, are new Christians who need to move into their full potential which will only be found in their identity in Christ. The second, the lukewarm Christian is complacent and content to live in a mediocre spiritual life. And the third, the carnal Christian is the christian who always struggles with evil on the inside of them. I think I have been each one of these Christians and still am to some degree, but I am ready to move past that. I think this begins with an "outward manifestation" as Reverend Johnson called it, of an "inward presence." God doesn't just want us to strive for these things, taking random stabs in the dark, no He gives us everything we need for this, just Jesus did for the disciples and for the Israelites, and everyone else.

"Though the LORD is on high, he looks

                    upon the lowly,

      but the proud he knows from afar.

  Though I walk in the midst of trouble,

      you preserve my life;

  you stretch out your hand against the

                   anger of my foes;

      with your right hand you save me.

  The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

      your love, O LORD, endures forever--

      do not abandon the works of your hands."

                    Psalm 138:6-8

It's going to be a good week. :)


EVENING PRAYER-- O God, fill my soul with so entire a love for you, that I may love nothing but you. Give me grace to study your knowledge daily, that the more I know you, the more I may love you, through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

"Secrets"

MORNING PRAYER-- O Eternal God, my Savior and Lord, I acknowledge that all I am and all I have is yours. I pray that you will surround me with such a sense of your infinite goodness, that I may return to you all possible love and obedience, through Jesus Christ, Amen.

Psalm 71, Jeremiah 4:9-14, Romans 2:12-24, John 5:19-29

I couldn't post yesterday due to the fact that I have an inner ear infection.... Perfect timing guys, perfect timing. Anyways, the theme that I have heard at least 20 times this week seems to be surrounding worshipping in truth and in Spirit. While I was reading the verses from Romans today, verse 16 made me stop: "This will take place on the day when God judges people's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares." I cannot count the amount of times which I have forgotten that God knows all my secrets. He knows them better than I do even. This is a pretty scary thought to me. And after I read this verse, I felt unsettled, but immediately tried to make myself feel better by comparing my secrets to someone else's, you know what I mean, the common "well, at least I'm not like (insert person you're judging here)." Ridiculous! On judgement day, Jesus isn't going to look at me and say, "you do have secrets, but yours aren't as bad as hers... so, you're in!" He is going to judge me and me alone. It's gonna be me and Him.

Another reading that goes along with this is Matthew 27:22-26. This is when Pilate washes his hands clean of Jesus' fate. There is no such thing. Everytime I read this, I think about all the odds that were stacked against Pilate, but they were absolutely nothing compared to those against Jesus Christ, which Pilate only added to. I think about how absurd it is for Pilate to think that he had rid himself of any blame and responsibility by leaving it up to the crowd. But, how many times do I do this? I just did it like 5 minutes ago, so that should give you an idea of how often I participate in this kind of shallow thinking. I've got lots of changing to do!

EVENING PRAYER-- O Lord, "the sacrifice acceptable [to you] is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise . . . You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart." Amen.

"Empty and Cracked Cisterns"

MORNING PRAYER-- Blessed are you, Sovereign God of all, to you be praise and glory forever. Open our eyes to behold your presence and strengthen our hands to do your will, that the world may rejoice and give you praise. Amen.

Psalm 61, Jeremiah 2:1-13, Romans 1:16-25, John 4:43-54

The You above is to a song by the band called Red entitled "Forever." I included this song in this post because of many reasons, the first being the fact that it is just too good not to tell someone about it, and the second being that it is the picture of my exact life. You know when you find that song that is your life, and every word in it is so true that you almost feel like that artist or band was made by God, and that God let you hear it at just the exact moment you needed it! Well, this is that song for me. My awesome friend Maegan played it for me one day on the way home from bible study. Here are the lyrics:

I try to run, I try to hide
From a voice that couldn't satisfy
That was me, always needing more
But letting go of all I had before
Cause it feels like the end
A wound that I can't mend
I just can't fight any longer

You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The game was over
I didn't even want to be found

But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever

I ignored the signs, opened every door
But I couldn't find what I searched for
I try to fight but I turn and run
Every move I make is the wrong one
You patiently wait for my next mistake
I know it won't be much longer

You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The game was over
I didn't even want to be found

But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever

You gave me so much more
Than I could ever ask for
But I turned and followed
A road the left me hollow
And still you waited for me
To come back home
You brought me home...

You chased me down and broke in just when
I was done believing
Spun me 'round so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/red/forever.html ]

Since the beginning of Lent I have wanted the same passage to be in both my Ashes To Fire book as well as my Daily Devo book! Today it finally happened!!! The passage is Roman's 1:16-25. In this passage, God's wrath and the reasons behind His wrath against mankind are brought to light. In a nutshell, even though the Israelites(just one example) had been shown time and time again, the glory of God and the power of His Word, they continued to worship lesser gods, even after they were delivered into the land which He had promised to Abraham. The New Testament is full of these same kinds of examples. The famous parables take place here, yet instead of giving the glory back to God, the people plotted to kill Him. This made me wonder how many times something so obviously belonging or being of God has gone right by me while I'm busy worshipping my own personal gods (#1 being tv). 


I can say that whenever I have ignored something clearly straight from Him He as let me known about it later. The Spirit is in each and everyone of us. But, it doesn't do all the work, it requires total surrender in order for it to reach its full potential within us. When my Spirit is not fed, I feel it. Everything, Everything, feels off. I felt just like the empty cistern in Jeremiah 2:13. Filling myself up with anything other than God, totally neglecting the Spirit inside me. After awhile, I started to feel so empty that I could not be alone. I couldn't stand the sound of my own thoughts. I had SO many holes in my cisterns and there was no way they could be filled by my idols at the time. I honestly don't think I was not under the influence of some drug for more than an hour or two all last summer. Everything about me had changed. I was lying to my family, my friends, and more importantly, myself. I felt horrible walking into church and never wanted to be there anymore, and I hated the idea of a Daily Devotional. At one point, I thought I was closer to God when I was high. "Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools." Romans 1:22 As I drove myself deeper into the drugs, my "thinking became futile and [my] foolish heart(s) [was] darkened," Romans 1:21. Toward the end of summer I took a trip with one of my friends to her hometown, and being sober there pretty much slapped me in the face. After a horrible and sleepless first night, the next day at a water park I told her that I no longer wanted drugs to be a part of my life. Surprisingly enough, she said she felt the same way, but I soon found things not to be so easy when we got back. Long story short, I immediately sought freedom from the drugs. My friend and I don't hang out now, that's not to say anything bad about her, because I miss her. She and I were best friends, and even though we chose different paths as far as I am concerned once a best friend, always a best friend. I do know that she is on the search for the same God that I am, and I pray that she is finding more than she ever imagined in Him.


It still amazes me the grace He showed me in allowing me the time to come to the decision I made. The idea of losing all the friends I had made that summer scared me to death, but the way I felt and the things I had experienced without God terrified me much more. He promised me it would be worth it, and boy is that an understatement. Now, the potter is shaping and forming a new cistern within me. And when He is done, I know it will be the most perfect one because the holes will be filled up with Him.


EVENING PRAYER-- O Lord, "the sacrifice acceptable [to you] is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise . . . Create in me a clean hear, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me." Amen.