Tonight at church, the Lord broke my heart for Him. In doing this, I had become self-indulgent in telling others what I was giving up for Lent, when Christ clearly states to deny yourself in secret so that He who sees what happens in secret will be the witness of this. I pray that God gives me the right tools for this and that He destroys my pride. The Ashes To Fire verses for tonight are Joel 2 and Matthew 6: 1-6, 16-21
"Dust Thou Art"
So thankful.
So, there has been a change of plans. Its funny how the Devil wanted to take control of this. I will be doing the Ashes to Fire Daily Reflections from Ash Wednesday to Pentecost. He broke my heart tonight (in the best way possible).
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
"Humbling Myself Before Christ"
Matthew 4:17 "From that time on Jesus began to preach, 'Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.' "
Repentance is the way in which we are supposed to enter into the season of lent. This could not be a more perfect topic for me today, in that I have spent half of my day griping about the misfortunes of having a practically nonexistent group member in Spanish. Although this is a fairly upsetting situation, I have given so much of my time and thought to it that it almost completely took me away from what today is truly about: repentance. Repentance for my sins which caused the brutal crucifixion of God's only son, and for the innumberable ways that I fall short of His glory everyday! Dr. Denison describes today as being a day where we are called "to mourn for our sins, remembering that they caused the death of Jesus." Today, I crucified Jesus a million times with my thoughts and words against my neighbor, instead of humbling myself before Christ and giving Him the attention He derserves. Luckily, its never too late!!
The reflection for today ended with the question of whether or not I needed to begin Lent with repentance? Having already answered that question, I want to look deeper into the why that surrounds this situation. This situation seemed to be such a complex and complicated one, but my failure to deal with it correctly and save myself a lot of stress comes from one simple word: Trust. After getting a pretty attitudey email from my nonexistent Spanish partner last night, I called myself "giving the situation to God." Even though I immediatey felt a sigh of relief and thought I had forgotten about it, this morning, when I opened up the outline we were supposed to turn in for the first part of our Spanish project, I became much angrier than I ever was before! I took everything back that I had given to God last night and steamed for the next 4 hours. After class was over, I went up to my teacher and he explained that it would be just fine and that my nonexistent partner's lack of participation would not in any way effect my grade. I almost passed out. Granted, I would still love to have a partner who is present and easy to work with so that I could actually enjoy doing the presentation, but just hearing the words, "he will not effect your grade," made me feel like a complete idiot. Not only is that true for this class, and our presentation, it is true about life! His actions should not effect mine. No one should have control over my attitude except God. How many times has Christ shown me mercy when I forget this??
I went home a little while later and got myself together, and when I was back on campus, I stepped outside and began walking toward Martindale. As usual, I started daydreaming and looked up at the sky. The sky was full of clouds and reminded me of how it looked during the crucifixion of Christ as it was shown in The Passion. Having just read the above verse: Matthew 4:17, it made me even more aware of my misplaced trust, leading me to ask myself the question of just how much I truly trust Him. I trust in God until someone makes me angry or irritates me, then it is up to me to figure out how to deal with them accordingly, but this isn't the kind of relationship He calls us to.
Read: Psalm 27
My inability to trust in God comes also from a lack of patience. I hate waiting for things, its amazing that I love theme parks as much as I do considering the hour-long lines you usually have to wait in before you can get on a 20 second ride. Its the pay off that I contend with waiting on, if there seems to be no pay off in the end then count me out. I like instant gratification. Sometimes instant gratification is a good thing, but, as David puts it, we are to "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." (Psalm 27:14) Being able to wait on the Lord shapes the ultimate faith, because you have to have faith to be content with waiting. When I choose to wait on the Superman ride at Six Flags for an hour, its not to have a conversation with the other people in line, or even to listen to others scream as they simulate Superman's ultimate super power: flying. No, I wait because I have faith, and I know that without a doubt, when I get to the front of the line I will be the one screaming at the top of my lungs from an overload of fun!! How much more then, should I put my trust and faith in the Father? Theme park rides have let anxious riders down millions of times (luckily, I have never been one of these unlucky riders), but God has never let anyone down. Nothing that He tells us will come true doesn't do just that. NOTHING. Due to His grace, I am able to start this day over and begin my season of Lent with repentance and by humbling myself to Christ, what better way to do that than on my knees, giving everything back to Him that I unrightfully stole this morning. I'd say my first day of eating meat is turning out to be pretty dang revealing..... and its only the first day. NICE. :)
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Repentance is the way in which we are supposed to enter into the season of lent. This could not be a more perfect topic for me today, in that I have spent half of my day griping about the misfortunes of having a practically nonexistent group member in Spanish. Although this is a fairly upsetting situation, I have given so much of my time and thought to it that it almost completely took me away from what today is truly about: repentance. Repentance for my sins which caused the brutal crucifixion of God's only son, and for the innumberable ways that I fall short of His glory everyday! Dr. Denison describes today as being a day where we are called "to mourn for our sins, remembering that they caused the death of Jesus." Today, I crucified Jesus a million times with my thoughts and words against my neighbor, instead of humbling myself before Christ and giving Him the attention He derserves. Luckily, its never too late!!
The reflection for today ended with the question of whether or not I needed to begin Lent with repentance? Having already answered that question, I want to look deeper into the why that surrounds this situation. This situation seemed to be such a complex and complicated one, but my failure to deal with it correctly and save myself a lot of stress comes from one simple word: Trust. After getting a pretty attitudey email from my nonexistent Spanish partner last night, I called myself "giving the situation to God." Even though I immediatey felt a sigh of relief and thought I had forgotten about it, this morning, when I opened up the outline we were supposed to turn in for the first part of our Spanish project, I became much angrier than I ever was before! I took everything back that I had given to God last night and steamed for the next 4 hours. After class was over, I went up to my teacher and he explained that it would be just fine and that my nonexistent partner's lack of participation would not in any way effect my grade. I almost passed out. Granted, I would still love to have a partner who is present and easy to work with so that I could actually enjoy doing the presentation, but just hearing the words, "he will not effect your grade," made me feel like a complete idiot. Not only is that true for this class, and our presentation, it is true about life! His actions should not effect mine. No one should have control over my attitude except God. How many times has Christ shown me mercy when I forget this??
I went home a little while later and got myself together, and when I was back on campus, I stepped outside and began walking toward Martindale. As usual, I started daydreaming and looked up at the sky. The sky was full of clouds and reminded me of how it looked during the crucifixion of Christ as it was shown in The Passion. Having just read the above verse: Matthew 4:17, it made me even more aware of my misplaced trust, leading me to ask myself the question of just how much I truly trust Him. I trust in God until someone makes me angry or irritates me, then it is up to me to figure out how to deal with them accordingly, but this isn't the kind of relationship He calls us to.
Read: Psalm 27
My inability to trust in God comes also from a lack of patience. I hate waiting for things, its amazing that I love theme parks as much as I do considering the hour-long lines you usually have to wait in before you can get on a 20 second ride. Its the pay off that I contend with waiting on, if there seems to be no pay off in the end then count me out. I like instant gratification. Sometimes instant gratification is a good thing, but, as David puts it, we are to "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." (Psalm 27:14) Being able to wait on the Lord shapes the ultimate faith, because you have to have faith to be content with waiting. When I choose to wait on the Superman ride at Six Flags for an hour, its not to have a conversation with the other people in line, or even to listen to others scream as they simulate Superman's ultimate super power: flying. No, I wait because I have faith, and I know that without a doubt, when I get to the front of the line I will be the one screaming at the top of my lungs from an overload of fun!! How much more then, should I put my trust and faith in the Father? Theme park rides have let anxious riders down millions of times (luckily, I have never been one of these unlucky riders), but God has never let anyone down. Nothing that He tells us will come true doesn't do just that. NOTHING. Due to His grace, I am able to start this day over and begin my season of Lent with repentance and by humbling myself to Christ, what better way to do that than on my knees, giving everything back to Him that I unrightfully stole this morning. I'd say my first day of eating meat is turning out to be pretty dang revealing..... and its only the first day. NICE. :)
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Quail From the Lord"
Hello everyone! For those of you who don't know me, my name is Tonell Jones. I am 22 years old and am a Senior at the University of Mississippi. I decided to begin a blog for the Lent Season. Even though I'm not Catholic, I have always enjoyed at least making an attempt to give up something for Lent. Unfortunately, my vows, whatever they may have been at the time, never proved successful. I felt really convicted this year to change that. At first, I didn't give it any thought at all, but the closer Ash Wednesday got, the stronger the conviction grew. So, I decided to pray about it. I wasn't sure if I had gotten an answer or not, so once again, I forgot about it. Sunday night, while I was at my Sigma Phi Lambda chapter meeting, I kept hearing the word "meat." I must have heard this word over 100 times by the time we broke off into our prayer groups where I heard it again. That was when He told me His answer. I'm guessing God already knew that I would ask the forbidden question of, "why?" so He answered it before I got a chance... By challenging me to give up something that I have been freely given by Him every single day, but have too often taken forgranted. I have taken food in general forgranted! I know that this will take a serious committment, but how much more serious will my discipline and appreciation be by the end of this wonderful journey.
Okay, background aside, the reason I titled my blog as "More Than a Season" is because of the negative connotation this Holy Holiday has received in our society. Here are some of the images I came across on a google image search about Lent:
Okay, background aside, the reason I titled my blog as "More Than a Season" is because of the negative connotation this Holy Holiday has received in our society. Here are some of the images I came across on a google image search about Lent:
This season shouldn't be just something to survive or something that should evoke a feeling of depression about the fact that you won't be able to eat chocolate for the next 40 days. These 40 days are a representation of the 40 days that Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by the devil after His baptism.
"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, HE WAS HUNGRY." (Matthew 4:1-2)
Why, then, should we not want to face temptation as our Father did? We have become to good for temptation, too afraid to stand up to temptation with the tools and assurance that He has given us day after day-- rather, I have been too afraid to stand up to temptation. I have been so spoiled in life that the only challenging thing I could come up with to give up was chocolate, or sodas, or facebook. Wow, I must be blessed!! Meanwhile, in Kenya, they have nothing that they have that they could live without if they gave it up for Lent. The reason I mention Kenya of all places is because I recently participated in a Feed The Hunger pack-a-thon which took place on our campus. At this pack-a-thon, we packed what looked like zip lock baggies with four key ingredients: vita, veggie, soy, and rice. These 4 layers would make up a 6 course meal for a child in Kenya.... a 6 course meal. This is what the bag looked like: Feed The Hunger Pack-a-Thon
Being a part of this event and hearing the hard facts about a country in need made me feel very.... small. I am usually worried about eating Chic-Fil-A on any given day because my pants may fit a little tighter the next day. Not only is this fear irrational but it is selfish. I have everything that I need in my life because God, for some reason, has seen me fit to give me more than enough. I am so blessed yet have only just recently realized this. In an attempt to further this realization, the idea for this blog popped into my head. This will help keep me accountable, and will also allow me to express the deep transformations a change like this may solicit. Now I will stop babbling and ask that you all pray for me to have the right heart throughout this period and far beyond. Pray also that my body does not reject all these substitutes for protein which I will be introducing into my diet! (You don't really have to pray that prayer) Lastly, pray that I listen to what He is telling me throughout this experience despite the things I will tell myself as I go through this. I hope you all know that I am praying for you as well, no matter if you are doing Lent or not.
After the Israelites had been delivered out of Egypt they were thrust into years of temptation, however with these temptations, they experienced some of the most miraculous signs from God! Even though they continued to complain and rise against Moses and Aaron, the Lord still had mercy on them and never left them alone. This mercy was shown Moses when the Israelites grew tired of the manna they had been required to eat for so long. Moses, hearing the wailing of his people for meat, went to the LORD because he no longer felt he could carry the burden of his people alone anymore. Even though the Lord was becoming "exceedingly angry" (Numbers 10:10), He heard Moses and the Israelites' cries and provided each of them what they had been asking for, but not without consequences. These consequences were necessary not because of the request of the people, but because of the faithlessness that the only nation that was able to hear the Lord's voice without dying had been displaying. Even after the Lord tells Moses that He would supply them with enough meat to eat for an entire month, he still questions His ability to come through, as though He has given him a reason to believe otherwise. I say all this to say that I don't want to be like the Israelites in this situation. They allowed temptation and the law of only eating manna to allow them to lose sight of the beautiful things God was doing all around them every single day. The fact that they couldn't eat meat was not a plight against them, but it was for them to be fed by the Word of God during their hard times. Lent is not about what you are giving up, its about what you will gain in the end and for years to come. This is a very hard lesson learned, but I am ready and willing.
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' " (Matthew 4: 4)
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